The demons I am grappling with...

[J!!]

Regarding the logistical side of things: many therapists do offer phone-based sessions for patients who can't come in physically, and there are also online options. After a bit of googling, I came up with this article, which looks to be a decent starting for more information, and this page, which has comparisons of a few different services. I'd also really strongly suggest you give the National Suicide Prevention Hotline a call at 1-800-273-8255.

I know it doesn't seem like it from where you're standing right now, but nothing you've described here is insurmountable. You are stronger than you think you are, but you very clearly need professional help. Please make getting it a top priority in your life.

[Yukaphile]

Life seems to have only gotten worse since June... I'm sorry I'm such a hothead on these forums.

[CharlesPhipps]

You are only responsible for your own actions and to do good by yourself is to do good for yourself.

There are also many good men for every bad man.

[Yukaphile]

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[J!!]

you seem fixated on this topic to an unhealthy degree. please seek professional help.

[Fuzzy Necromancer]

You probably have the suicide hotline number already, but if you don't, it's 1-800-273-8255

[Riedquat]

You are only responsible for your own actions and to do good by yourself is to do good for yourself.

There are also many good men for every bad man.

This is what it boils down to. You're not guilty of anything you've not done (or caused to be done) yourself.

And whilst a lot of prominent arseholes have been men it's too big a leap to jump to to say that men are arseholes in general. It only needs a fairly small proportion of any group to behave badly give that group a bad name.

Personally I get very depressed about the, for want of a better word, way the look and feel of the world I live in is changing (or at least the bit I live in). Increasingly bland, busier, more hectic, sterile and impersonal, not that it's ever been anywhere near perfect in those. It sometimes leaves me wishing I wouldn't wake up in the morning rather than see more of that future.

[Yukaphile]

True. And it doesn't help that I'm super sensitive and emotionally empathetic. I can feel the pain of someone murdering or raping or torturing another needlessly who does not deserve it, and it hurts me by extension. There's too much of that in the world, so I try to create my own goodness by being a big Santa Claus and spreading gifts to people randomly. If only I had more money, I could make everyone I know happy, including the people here. Even though we've butted heads, I'd still like to try. If only.

[CharlesPhipps]

True. And it doesn't help that I'm super sensitive and emotionally empathetic. I can feel the pain of someone murdering or raping or torturing another needlessly who does not deserve it, and it hurts me by extension. There's too much of that in the world, so I try to create my own goodness by being a big Santa Claus and spreading gifts to people randomly. If only I had more money, I could make everyone I know happy, including the people here. Even though we've butted heads, I'd still like to try. If only.

Religious or not, I think the following statement is very wise, "God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference."

Empathy is important but it must always be focused by a humility to know it is part of a much larger world to make better. Good thoughts and deeds form a chain. As bad as the world is today, it is improving (with some occasional backsliding).

[Riedquat]

Religious or not, I think the following statement is very wise, "God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference."

Empathy is important but it must always be focused by a humility to know it is part of a much larger world to make better. Good thoughts and deeds form a chain. As bad as the world is today, it is improving (with some occasional backsliding).

Unfortunately that's not a sentiment I have much time for, the world is full of things that would / wouldn't happen if more people were bothered. Individuals often can't change anything but societies can, but societies are made up of individuals. I don't like being hurt by all the things in the world that I loathe (often things a lot of other people seem to think are great) but I'd rather that than be the type of person who can find a way to not be bothered by them and turn a blind eye.

Is the world improving? In some areas (meaning both geographical and otherwise), yes, but overall? There may be more concern about ideals relating to people but people themselves we're becoming more and more indifferent to. The amount of contact with other people in day to day life for day to day tasks is diminishing and I'm very concerned about what the consequences of that will be.