Talking about a 3rd person in the 3rd person

[BridgeConsoleMasher]

I've noticed in TV and movies that within a group of 3 people when 2 are familiar with each other, as soon as they refer to the other in 3rd person when conferring with each other the other person gets offended.

I'm really not sure what the 2 people are supposed to do if they need to speak familiarly. Like, saying, "are we sure we can trust him?" To which the response is, "don't talk about me in the 3rd person as if I'm not here."

Like wtf are they supposed to do in that situation? Start talking like, "I'd like to know from Geordi if we can trust you, random command engineer guy." or "2/3 of us are not certain if the other 1 of us is trustworthy?"

[McAvoy]

I've noticed in TV and movies that within a group of 3 people when 2 are familiar with each other, as soon as they refer to the other in 3rd person when conferring with each other the other person gets offended.

I'm really not sure what the 2 people are supposed to do if they need to speak familiarly. Like, saying, "are we sure we can trust him?" To which the response is, "don't talk about me in the 3rd person as if I'm not here."

Like wtf are they supposed to do in that situation? Start talking like, "I'd like to know from Geordi if we can trust you, random command engineer guy." or "2/3 of us are not certain if the other 1 of us is trustworthy?"

I am really trying to figure out what you are trying to say.

[Deledrius]

I've noticed in TV and movies that within a group of 3 people when 2 are familiar with each other, as soon as they refer to the other in 3rd person when conferring with each other the other person gets offended.

I think it's a combination of "this is a fairly realistic reaction" and just a generally standard way of writing a scene where you have three people but only two are interacting for a prolonged moment. It pulls the third character in, and serves as a convenient way to keep some momentum/move on to the next point.

[Riedquat]

I don't think it's unrealistc to find that offensive (although your example goes further, because two people openly discussing whether they can trust you right in front of you is a bit insulting). People have always found being treated as if they're not there as somewhat insulting.

[BridgeConsoleMasher]

Oh definitely it's understandable on a social level and is subject to a gray area of exposure.

Just that the trope itself comes off as, whenever there are three people together and two of them need to converse for any reason, they aren't allowed to if they refer to the third person in any capacity.

It's not like I've never been estranged, but it comes off a bit impatient. And yeah the Command engineer was a bit of the dunce of the episode.

[Madner Kami]

I've noticed in TV and movies that within a group of 3 people when 2 are familiar with each other, as soon as they refer to the other in 3rd person when conferring with each other the other person gets offended.

I'm really not sure what the 2 people are supposed to do if they need to speak familiarly. Like, saying, "are we sure we can trust him?" To which the response is, "don't talk about me in the 3rd person as if I'm not here."

Like wtf are they supposed to do in that situation? Start talking like, "I'd like to know from Geordi if we can trust you, random command engineer guy." or "2/3 of us are not certain if the other 1 of us is trustworthy?"

You don't talk *about* other people when they are right there, you talk *with* them.

In your specific example, you simply turn towards the person and say: "I am not sure I can trust you." That let's the person know where you stand, signals that you recognize the person as an equal or at least as someone you are willing to interact with and gives the person a chance to reply.

[BridgeConsoleMasher]

I've noticed in TV and movies that within a group of 3 people when 2 are familiar with each other, as soon as they refer to the other in 3rd person when conferring with each other the other person gets offended.

I'm really not sure what the 2 people are supposed to do if they need to speak familiarly. Like, saying, "are we sure we can trust him?" To which the response is, "don't talk about me in the 3rd person as if I'm not here."

Like wtf are they supposed to do in that situation? Start talking like, "I'd like to know from Geordi if we can trust you, random command engineer guy." or "2/3 of us are not certain if the other 1 of us is trustworthy?"

You don't talk *about* other people when they are right there, you talk *with* them.

In your specific example, you simply turn towards the person and say: "I am not sure I can trust you." That let's the person know where you stand, signals that you recognize the person as an equal or at least as someone you are willing to interact with and gives the person a chance to reply.

Why the fuck would you ask someone that you don't know if you can trust if you can trust them when you're consorting with your own side's knowledge base?

[Riedquat]

Why the fuck would you ask someone that you don't know if you can trust if you can trust them when you're consorting with your own side's knowledge base?

If you needed to have that discussion the polite way of doing it would be to say "Excuse me, we need a moment to talk in private" and then go off and have that discussion about trust with the other somewhere else, rather than simply pretend the third person isn't there.

[BridgeConsoleMasher]

Why the fuck would you ask someone that you don't know if you can trust if you can trust them when you're consorting with your own side's knowledge base?

If you needed to have that discussion the polite way of doing it would be to say "Excuse me, we need a moment to talk in private" and then go off and have that discussion about trust with the other somewhere else, rather than simply pretend the third person isn't there.

Not bad.

I'll rewatch the scene with this available recourse in mind.

[McAvoy]

OK depends on the context. Yes it's rude to talk about someone as if they are not there.

If you are the military it's common to talk about someone who is there in the third person. Or in certain jobs.

Supervisor: Can we trust Smith with this job?

Me: Yes, she has helped me before on this job before. She will be fine.

Supervisor: OK.

I turn around to Smith and say 'get to work'.