Episode 13:
-That sped-up scene from the beginning was intended to be serious, but it's just so cheesy it's just hilarious xD
-Ah, Tillie is back... all is forgiven...
-I guess the 10-C forgot they don't have transporter technology to beam away Book's ship (like the Voth had), even though they clearly had it in the previous episode, instead now they rely on throwing balls at them, like Book's ship is some Pokemon;
-"Where's your presto chango button?" "We already used up most of our budget in the intro scene, try to wobble around when the camera is moving to save some money on SFX"
-"I can't let whoever did this keep walking around my ship" she says that while Ndoye is walking on her ship
-And of course The Burnham has to dress down Ndoye, what a shitty way to end this subplot
-Wait, they haven't considered telepathy until now? Sweet Jesus, I never thought that I'd say this, but this is situation where Deanna Troi would have been useful, and hell, the Federation was far competent 800 years earlier. Yes, it's dangerous to link telepathically to an unknown species, but, you know, Earth is about to be destroyed? Again?
-Vulcans can mind meld with the window now? And that was quite quick, I'd though it would have taken her a few minutes to prepare herself mentally.
-"They cannot stop Booker's ship" maybe try something else besides throwing Pokeballs at it?
-"They're linked? Like the Borg?" What, are hive-minds a rarity in Trek?
-"It's difficult to describe, but I believe they might not have any awareness of individual existence as we know it" Holy fuck, Leviathan Falls is not even 5 months old and Kurtzman already ripped off the origin of the Protomolecule/Ring builders, and they didn't even do it well!
-Wait, why can't you just use the spore drive to get out of the CGI budget-saving orb? I don't recall them ever giving a reason why they shouldn't, why do they have to overcomplicate the plot with this technobabble nonsense? Because the network that spreads throughout the universe and beyond suddenly doesn't exist outside the Galactic Barrier?
-Oh right, the WALL FLAMETHROWERS RETURN! THEY SHALL NEVER DIE!
-Oh no... the 200$ Home Depot Spore Drive set got blown up... anyway...
-Wow, I wasn't joking when I said that they already blew away their budget on CGI and instead they just ask the actors to wobble along with the camera, there's like 2 scenes of the DMA debris hitting Earth's defenses and instead most of the scenes near Earth just show the actors being surrounded by fireworks and wobbly camera. And flamethrowers! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!
-Wait, the 10-C are incapable of sending anything near their own power source/technology to defend it? They don't even have an emergency stop button for it? Some protective forcefield? THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THEIR OWN TECHNOLOGY? How can they just allow anything foreign near their most important piece of technology?
-You could put the shuttle on autopilot...? No need to do a bullshit sacrifice?
-"We'll need a great pilot" NO Detmer, Burnham was talking about herself, don't go or you'll die! And you're a sort of main character! You cannot steal her spotlight, haven't you noticed that everyone that tries to one-up The Burnham dies?
-Oh... so the Earth general will do it... I guess she isn't a main character, and she was a bad guy, she'll bite it.
-Everybody cries, even the bad guy...
-Welp, I was wrong, too bad, cause it would have been a fitting end for the general, even if a bit cheesy
-...OK, so..,. for some reason they can't use the tractor beam (which now exists apparently) to grab Booker's damaged ship, because I guess it's spinning like the station from the first episode I suppose, and instead the ship will somehow ram against the hyperfield wall, and then Tarka beams Booker away but then he can't, the ship explodes, Book is not materialized... what?
-OK, are the flamethrowers really necessary while Burnham is crying? Like really? I'm laughing. Burnham is crying her ass off and I'm laughing.
-So Tarka now gives whiskey to everyone? What a small world.
-How nice of the asteroids to not further hit the station so that Tillie and the Admiral talk about their lives.. they're such nice asteroids
-...that's not how gas giants work! Gas giants don't have a surface, they're a ball of gas that becomes more and more compressed the further you go down, until it slowly becomes a liquid, and then further down said liquid becomes solid. Their metallic or rocky "core" would be tens of thousands of km below the solidified gas layer, any hypothetical magic structure on the surface of the "rocky core" would be a cavern at best, not an open field surrounded by fog.
-Oh look, it's
the ships from Transformers 3! Fuck you Kurtzman!
-Is this the reason why they saved up their budget for? Cause the CGI doesn't look that impressive. Due to the awful orange-red tinge, I can barely differentiate between the aliens, let alone see their texture, it doesn't look great, it looks so bland. I don't care if the aliens don't see each other as individuals, if you're going for grand visuals, do them right!
-And of course it's Burnham that again saves the day by managing to find the right words to convince the alien aliens that they're hurting people.
-"And there goes the debris field" WHAT! WHY? Are those asteroids made of magnets?
-OH COME THE FUCK ON! You're really gonna bring back Booker like this? REALLY?
-"Oil is bad stop extracting oil!"
-So Kweijan is now Pandorra? Really?
-Of course they were going to use their wormhole to send Discovery back, it was so obvious they weren't going to spend the next season redoing Voyager. NuTrek only rips off other works, but never older Trek shows.
-Oh God, Saru, just fuck already!
-"You've come a long way, you're still just as right as before. Only now I have realized the errors of my own way. I apologize my Lord and Savior Michael Burnham, please forgive me for doubting you!"
-"After nearly causing the death of more billions of people I'm being sentenced to help other people. Please forgive me Burnham, I was wrong like you said."
-"Hard to believe it's over" Yeah, longer season, same shitty writing
-"Captain, may we have a word?" Even in the coda, the show can't help but make Burnham the center of attention, Christ...
This was a plot that could have been over in like three episodes once you trimmed the fat. The Tarka/Booker subplot went nowhere, and the worst part is that at one point it seemed to turn into an interesting story, but instead it ended up a wet fart. What a waste.
And the whole Heptapod/Ring Builders-like aliens stuff could have been done a lot better, but I guess when you create aliens that require lots of CGI, you can only use them a few times, and even then, using a fucking orange tint for what is supposed to be some unique and great alien designs just ruins the moment. They aren't in Hollywood Mexico, just give them color FFS!