Fixing Ghostbusters (2016)

[G-Man]

Yukaphile recently brought up how to fix The Last Jedi (from a perspective of satisfying some large percentage of those who don't like it), so I thought I would do the same for the 2016 Ghostbusters movie.

First, instead of setting it in a different continuity altogether, set it in an alternate universe with a divergence at a specific point in time. That way, we can bring in the original cast as their characters from the original movie, but without the history of the original movie (i.e., e.g. an alternate universe Venkman, Stantz, and Zeddemore).

Start the movie off in the 1920s, showing Ivo Shandor getting taken to an insane asylum and newspaper reports showing that his plans to build a skyscraper were never realized, then that he died, and he left his fortune to Columbia University, with a stipulation that 50% be used to open a parapsychology and paranormal studies department. (This is why the Gozer incident never happened in this universe).

Then we see in the present day that Abby Yates, the only researcher working in the parapsychology department, is trying desperately to stop the University from closing it. The Shandor money has almost run out, and the University considers the program a joke and would have closed it years ago except it wanted the other 50% of the fortune.

Basically, the plot of the ghost lady at the manor goes the same way, except that it passes through Erin instead of vomiting on her, and we get the sense that Abby does what she does because she is desperate to find evidence that would let the University continue the department, and that Erin had basically refused to help her. So both Abby and Erin resent one another, but neither was really trying to hurt the other.

After being fired, Abby and Erin do set up paranormal investigations, with the last few hundred thousand of the Shandor grant (Dean Ray Stantz managed to get the last of the university money given to Abby because he regrets not having pursued paranormal research when he was younger. He mentions that his late colleague Dean Spengler would have wanted it this way). After Abby talks with her mentor (a new character), who was the professor prior to her who left in disgrace after "the Staten Island Manifestation Incident" (or some other similarly named occurrence), Abby decides to go the "pest control" route. Instead of a containment unit, Holtzman creates an interdimensional portal to which they can "deport" the ghosts (they would still have traps, but they would insert into the portal rather than the unit).

I would have Kevin Beckman be less of an idiot and more someone who is lazy. He gets the job over people who are more qualified because Erin thinks he is hot, and Abby and Jillian (Holtzman) agree to keep him on when they get a large number of calls and he correctly intuits which ones are people playing pranks. However, other than taking the calls and screening out the non-serious ones, he tries to do as little as possible and continually takes advantage of Erin (instead of her having a creepy crush on him, she is just so attracted to him that he is able to convince her to, e.g., alphabetize his files, etc.

As ghost sightings increase throughout the city, it becomes increasingly clear that something big is happening. We see a mysterious figure putting strange devices in a few areas where the Ghostbusters later get called. Patty Tolan comes in when it is discovered that she knows areas of New York that you cannot even find out about in a Google search.

After having the same conversation about the fact that the government is covering up the reality of ghosts with the mayor (but without a much shorter "cat out of the bag" skit). After Abby suggests that the current spate of supernatural incidents is impossible to cover up effectively, the Mayor tells her "nonsense, we were able to cover up the Staten Island Manifestation Incident." They agree to keep a low profile in return for protection from the government shutting them down. However, they are continuously mocked and denigrated as part of the ruse.

Suddenly there is a supernatural attack on Columbia University. The Ghostbusters go in to try to stop it, but in the process there is a huge explosion. They get arrested and sent to jail.

They get taken to meet the Mayor, who angrily calls them out on not living up to the agreement. When the Ghostbusters protest, he has his subordinates bring out a device they found at the University. It looks very much like something described in the book that Abby and Erin had written years ago. The Mayor points out that the book never described the intricate details of the technology, and that they must have made the devices to bring in the ghosts for them to bust.

Suddenly Erin realizes that there is one other person who would know how to make these devices - Abby's mentor in the parapsychology department. He was trying to get revenge on the college for making him leave in disgrace - then Abby points out, what about all of the other incidents. The mayor says that other devices have been found near some of the other ghost sightings - they started looking after what happened at the University. Everyone realizes that Abby's mentor is going to try to take down the whole city because he is angry about his humiliation during the "Staten Island Manifestation Incident." At this moment, an earthquake hits and the epicenter appears to be Times Square. The mayor sends them out with a police escort to fix it.

Abby and Erin have not gotten along well this whole time, and start to bicker as they head back to the headquarters. Jillian and Patty tell them to shut up and get over what happened between them. Abby's mentor didn't get over it and look what is happening because of that. They make up. Back at the headquarters, Kevin is getting ready to leave the city, but the Ghostbusters ask him to help them pack a device into the Ecto-1 that might be able to stop the portal opening in Times Square. After asking why they don't just leave a city that treated them horribly, Erin and Abby tell him that they do not just think of themselves and people are going to get hurt, and he helps them, and then gets ready to evacuate the city. Holtzmann gets upset that they cannot bring a second device that would amplify the first, but there is no room in the Ecto-1, so they will have to make do.

They go in to stop Abby's mentor. On the way, their police escort gets waylaid one car at a time by ghosts, etc (the Ecto-1 has defenses against ghosts allowing it to get through). They confront Abby's mentor (here the specifics I have not worked out), but it turns out that the device is unable to stop him. Just then, Kevin rolls in, beat up with a (banged-up)pickup truck with the other device in the back. He decided to stay behind to help them, even at a risk to himself. They stop the bad guy, the day is saved, and the Ghostbusters get a new HQ over the firehouse with a stipend from the government if they keep it on the downlow and go along with the story that what happened was a gas leak.

Obviously, there would be cameos, but I do not know what they would be other than Aykroyd and (the bust of) Ramis.

[Steve]

Well, if you're keeping the characters...

Make Patty a niece of Winston Zeddemore and keep the humor of his appearance, perhaps, although with a different reason for him to be upset. As for Venkman, either make him the Mayor or maybe have him be a known figure in the paranormal world and their main investor. Even have him be their advocate when they're facing down the Mayor.

[clearspira]

I can fix this immediately.

1) It should NOT have been a reboot. It should have been a passing the torch moment, one generation to the next. My idea is to have the big bad kill Egon with the remaining Busters having to form a new team to fight side by side with.

2) It should NOT have used slapstick, unscripted humour. There should NOT have been vagina fart jokes, jokes about soup, or people dancing. That was never Ghostbusters. Of course fans rebelled when watching this.

[Makeshift Python]

Here's how it should have been fixed in the first place.

1. No sequels.
2. No reboots.
3. Leave it the fuck alone.

[TGLS]

Here's how to fix it:
1) Rename the movie Phantomcatchers
2) Replace all references to "Ghostbusters" with "Phantomcatchers"
3) Problem solved.

[Yukaphile]

I do like clearspira's idea on making it a passing the torch moment. Again, I don't mind an all-female Ghostbusters team, if there's an all-male Ghostbusters team. But it sounds... very poor in execution. Like... cancer levels of awful. That cannot overcome the positive aspect of having women go where men had only dared to tread. No wonder so many hate it. Well, glad I avoided it.

[Madner Kami]

That cannot overcome the positive aspect of having women go where men had only dared to tread.

Where did they go where The Real Ghostbusters didn't already go? I mean, outside of terribly misplaced and badly executed slapstik-comedy?

[Yukaphile]

That it was all four men? You know, it's just indicative of how males often get the lead role, and it was four white men to boot. That said, I openly admitted the new movie was inferior to the old one given some of what it sounds like they did - the stupid humor and stuff. I cannot speak to the quality of the actors, though, and well... my belief that modern actors, male and female, don't hold a candle to the greats of old probably wouldn't help my case, but they're probably capable enough in a modern setting. In this case, though, I'm likely to bet on the older ones being better because... they're played by such legendary actors that no one today could compete with them.

[Worffan101]

Pretty easy, really.

Really keep the emphasis on the scientific and rational trumping the mystical. Less slapstick improv and more funny characters. Focus more on the gay one and the black woman and give them all scenes together (very few jokes involving more than 2 of the women in that movie). The Chris Hemsworth character gets old fast, and lacks the entertaining punch of the original movie's fiery fuck-you secretary, so figure out a way to remedy that. Maybe have him be a drag queen or something with a bad attitude? IDK.

You have Kate McKinnon and Melissa McCarthy, both competent, talented comedians with experience doing skit comedy. Cut out some of the CGI spectacle for more of these kinds of talents interacting.

[Madner Kami]

and it was four white men to boot.

Ernie Hudson. Whitest of all white actors...

I cannot speak to the quality of the actors, though, and well... my belief that modern actors, male and female, don't hold a candle to the greats of old probably wouldn't help my case, but they're probably capable enough in a modern setting. In this case, though, I'm likely to bet on the older ones being better because... they're played by such legendary actors that no one today could compete with them.

Well, The Real Ghostbusters was made by a team that liked each other, played off well of each other, had creative control over what they were doing and they were tried and liked stand-up comedians of the old school. There's almost no way that this couldn't have worked out.
In contrast to that, you get a producer not understanding the people she hires, a director that doesn't understand the audience of the franchise and who wants to push an agenda, half the lead actors are b-role material at best (fuck McCarthy in anything she plays in, really and I didn't care about Leslie Jones, but since her latest outburst she can suck a BBC for all I care for various reasons), a story that is meh at best and a lot of hyped controversy that plays up on the agenda the director wants to push. This could not not have failed, really.