So on today's episode of Slowmo Trainwreck Disaster:
-More drama from the 50-year old teenage girl, now her cringe is tearing apart the fabric of space-time;
-"Atomic scan" of her body? What, is her negative attitude increasing the amount of electrons in her body? Or maybe her protons are turning into antiprotons.
-Michael Burnham is important.
-Oh, so now The Burn affected other objects than just ships. How convenient.
-"Sea locusts"? Really? Was calling them flying jellyfish be too Avatar-y?
-The Admiral is just there to remind people that the actor has bills to pay. Seriously, you can replace him with a carpet and it won't change the plot in any way. Everyone walks all over him.
-Oh no, Not!Ramsay Bolton was eaten by Theon's magic cock! Anyway...
-Of course the forgettable song was tied to The Burn in some way. Why else would they introduce it.
-Fain to knoweth yond the english language hasn't hath changed in 1000 years.
-Michael Burnham is important.
-How the Green Cringe stole Christmas.
-Discount bad accent square-jawed Karl Urban is supposed to be important but I don't think that even the actor knew what he was supposed to be, since in one scene he hates books, in another he's passive aggressive, in one scene he somehow knows about the Andorian, in another he's a traitor (I think) or just wants to protect his home planet or something, then suddenly he has a son... It's like they just put together whatever scenes they had lying around.
-Photon torpedoes that cause city killer-sized explosions from orbit, but up close they're just glorified car bombs... wait, that one's actually in line with other Trek visuals. Scratch that.
-Michael Burnham is important.
-Tillie's plan is... yeaaaaaaaah... no. You do realize you're just sending a non-Federation ship that was docked inside Discovery aka a Federation starship, to attack some other ship with the excuse of... "But it's not Starfleet! I mean, Federation! It's some other ship!" And you expect to get away with this... how exactly? The Grinch will believe you? The Admiral will take that excuse seriously? The ship came out of your fucking hangar bay. You didn't even bother to cloak it! It may not be Starfleet ship, but you carried it, from the Grinch's POV, you brought that ship to attack them. It's on you! Really. This is an excuse a kindergartner would try to use to fool his parents... oh look, the main villain doesn't buy the stupid ruse... how shocking... our heroes ladies and gentlemen! If the ship doesn't get impounded the next episode, Starfleet is lead by a bunch of spineless cardboard cutouts.
-What glorious space battle! 90% of it is just a bunch of close-ups of Book's ship (I'm just gonna call it bookshelf from now on). What, did a trance worm eat the episode's budget?
-"Shields are at 10%" well shit, one shot and you're de... oh wait, the Green Cringe will allow you exactly one minute to take your eyes off the viewscreen and say an important speech to the guy the Grinch wants dead or something. And then 3 more minutes so that Detmer can disable the ship. Better not shoot to blow up the bookshelf, otherwise the series will lose a main character. I'm talking about the cat of course.
-Also, didn't Detmer have PTSD? I guess her PTSD didn't renegotiate its contract with CBS.
-Michael Burnham is important.
-Oh look, all they needed to keep the bugs away was a large scale brainy ultrasonic technobabble. I guess those Kwejian researchers whose life depends on the food crops that the Avatar jellyfish are eating never considered the idea of using 900-year old science to fix the issue.
-Because Michael Burnham has to be important. Again.
-"They [Emerald Chain] are running out of dilithium" "I'm the only one who knows" REALLY? In the post-Burn galaxy which is running low on dilithium, the most important secret of a dilithium-wasting organization is that... they're running low on dilithium? *insert shocked animated Kirk face* YOU DON'T SAY!
I can't wait for the next week's episode, I heard it's the worst so far. It's a two-parter, so double the pain.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxcC3H1Aabg