Am I a bad person?

[Yukaphile]

See, I was raised with a somewhat Christian worldview, and I remember going to church as a kid. Haven't in years, decades. I don't know what to believe anymore. But I do know one thought that makes me smile is when I fantasize about truly awful, disgusting, wicked people who do truly rotten things and escape justice die and then find themselves... well, like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Y2wqkD2KVM

Yeah, it genuinely brings a happy smile when I think of some of the most rotten people in the world today having this happen when they die. And for me, keep in mind, you'd have to be a murderer or sexual abuser to make it onto this list. Or, someone who has very crass, primitive views on other people. But I'm really serious. Does this make me a bad person that I like the idea of awful people being collected by dark shadows and picked and poked at as they are dragged off to some nightmarish hellscape of suffering and pain after they die? And let me be clear that I'm also of the view such punishment shouldn't last forever, but only after two conditions are met, which are that A) You serve sufficient time in order to atone for your sins if they are that bad enough, because feeling sorry often isn't enough depending on the severity of the crime, and B) That you genuinely regret it, feel remorse, and want to be purge of your sins and corruption and cruelty. The two should not override the other.

But anyway, I'm rambling now. What does that say about me? That I take genuine pleasure in the idea of someone else's suffering after death, even with those conditions? I feel horribly guilty for that, but I can't change who I am, and human beings can be so loathsome to one another that I can't feel sorry for many of them. Am I a bad person?

[Robovski]

You show clear signs of depression and should seek assistance. I prefer therapy myself but medication may put you in a better place if they find a drug right for you.

Beyond that I will say that it is rare for a person to think they are genuinely a bad person. Most people are the hero of their own story and are full of unchallenged contradictions. So you have the relativistic was of ''bad compared to'' or you can go good/bad within a belief/moral/ethical system for the usual ways of determining good or bad.

Personally taking delight in the deaths of others ''because they have it coming'' I think is a bit small.

[Yukaphile]

Well, it's true. Some people behave so rottenly towards others, and inflict serious, lifelong pain and suffering, that never heals, and they never face justice, never feel remorse, are never punished for, especially against women and children, that... and then some people make excuses for them. Don't get me wrong, I want a just world. But that includes punishing all sins and crimes, especially those who got away with it. It's deeply shocking and terrifying to me that sometimes huge populations of people can get away with doing the worst things possible to one another, and never face punishment. Though you're misunderstanding me. I don't take delight in someone's death and suffering, if they actually are judged and sentenced here on Earth. Take Dylann Roof. He's in jail and on death row. Then I hear some black convict raped him, and that hurt and disgusted me. This young serial murderer. It's excessive cruelty that's unnecessary because he's already convicted. Justice worked in this case.

[SSJGodGoku]

Yes, you are a very bad person for refusing to edit your post with quotes in our debate.

[BridgeConsoleMasher]

The fact that you feel empathy for such people at the end of your last post seems pretty thoughtful.

[Yukaphile]

I don't want people to suffer, but I just... I also think most people are stupid and selfish and fall to the same flaws. In Roof's case, justice worked. He's on death row. He's paying for his crime. I hate excessive cruelty and revenge. Only constructive revenge if the system fails.

[BridgeConsoleMasher]

Yeah it seems like a clear case of desiring retribution in lieu of revenge, specifically. The infatuation with it is just kind of pronounced.

Like I don't know, making such a spectacle of their atonement is suggestive. I've had such inclinations in the past, but I have a hard time as of the moment separating out that feeling as a true passion of justice from some sort of seeded personal resentment. Like it just seems weird for myself at least to get so vested in matters that don't affect or involve me personally.

[Yukaphile]

I do love the ideas of impartial justice, but the sheer number of people who are guilty of having gotten away with vicious, inhuman crimes past the normal level of cruelty, even if they "felt sorry," but never turned themselves in, is staggering when you take into account just the last three centuries. 21st century, 20th century, and 19th century. I do hope there's some kind of after-world where the guilty face some kind of sentencing to see from their victims' eyes, or are dealt pain that is in equal proportion to what they dished out. Justice is balance, and it is never about escalating and lashing out at unarmed people who personally never hurt you, huge groups of people that have nothing to do with your conflict. It needs to be measured and careful. Too many people don't do that, however. It's about wild animal passion. Sad truth of history.

[Riedquat]

I don't want people to suffer, but I just... I also think most people are stupid and selfish and fall to the same flaws. In Roof's case, justice worked. He's on death row. He's paying for his crime. I hate excessive cruelty and revenge. Only constructive revenge if the system fails.

Can a person change? I make no bones about not being at all concerned about people suffering who I think deserve it, but on the other hand I'm also scornful of "they deserve to suffer" - a misjudgement, or an action later sincerely regretted, then it become simply vindictive to say anything more should be done. If there's remorse that's enough.

[Yukaphile]

I guess with me, the issue is one of feeling "if someone deserves it." I feel Roof deserves prison, even capital punishment. He didn't deserve what happened to him in prison.